Thursday, June 30, 2005

Cruise-ing on Empty

It’s a sad thing when a person loses his mind. And it’s made worse when you actually have to watch it happen. Take, for example, everyone’s favorite boy-toy of the 80’s. I just hate it that Tom Cruise is going crazy. Now, Tom has never been a favorite actor of mine but he did generate a few nice fantasies for me throughout his career (a feeling I share with a lot of people in the world). What happened to Tom? Some say it’s Scientology. Others say it started when he fired his publicist and hired his sister. Some say it dates back to Nicole. (Speaking of whom I cannot help but wonder now if the “Conversion of Katie” to Scientology may actually have something to do with why Tom separated from Nicole and Penelope – perhaps they refused to convert? Merely speculating here.)

It’s one thing if you are a celebrity, say Diane Keaton, and have always been a little wacky – oops, excuse me, eccentric (I love the fact that celebrities can be acceptably eccentric, but if a schlub like me acts that way I am a candidate for the methadone program). I want “Top Gun” Tom back. I want the man that every woman wanted to marry and every man wanted to be and every gay man wanted to show off to his friends.

And while we’re at it, I want pre-crack Whitney back too. I feel kind of robbed by her. At one point I used to joke to my friends that I wanted to sue Whitney for not delivering to me the promise she had shown from her first album. The cute girl who wanted to “dance with somebody” who became the “Queen of the Night” to now be a washed up ex-diva. I thought I had a case and I thought I would win. Just think if we could take celebrities to court for not living up to their potential. That would make the stars keep their ducks in a row, wouldn’t it?

What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.

- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle at a fund-raising event for the United Negro College Fund (attempting to quote the UNCF tagline, "A mind is a terrible thing to waste.").

Celebrities throwing telephones at concierges. Celebrities naming their children after inanimate objects (Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter Apple, Rachel Griffiths' son Banjo, Jason Lee's son Pilot Inspector, etc). Celebrities getting caught in phone sex scandals. Celebrities shoplifting. Celebrities dipping their children over hotel balconies. Why are these people not only locked up, but allowed to make a LOT of money while they do these things??

Where did these people come from? Well, Tom Cruise is from Syracuse, NY. Whitney Houston is from Newark, NJ. Winona Ryder lived in a Mendocino commune. Russell Crowe is from New Zealand (which my Ozzie mate Luke scoffs at). Maybe these people are simply just trash that made it good. Kinda makes Diane Keaton's upbringing in Los Angeles seem almost normal.

We are responsible for the Toms, the Whitneys, the Winonas, the Russells, even "Wacko" Jacko and Diane (ok, maybe not Diane). We paint them as being iconic, and then when they start behaving like Uncle Fester we just don’t know what to do. It’s our own fault really. Mindless (read: insane) celebrities are destroying our fantasies, our dreams, our ambitions, and our hopes. I think if the terrorists were truly paying attention, they would see that the movie stars of America are destroying us much better than they could ever do.