Wednesday, September 21, 2005

To Anonymous

This will be my only open letter to the “Anonymous” person who has been leaving such comments on my blog as: “you should have died” and “in no time you will be back in your leather harness parading around the circuit parties” and “no one gives a damn about your mindless, stereotypical white homo banter” and “we both know that you will be back to … making barking noises at guys soon enough” .
First of all, you are right – I should have died! Five arterial blockages, four being over 90%, should just about equal death to a person. But for the grace of God, go I. Apparently there is still work for me to be done on this earth; still things to do, still places to see, still people to meet, love, and I guess, debate. Ours is not to question why, but to simply accept and go on. And that is my plan.

Secondly, I know I might look the part, but I have never worn a leather harness out in public in my life before. I probably never will. Although I fully support the leather community, as well as the drag community, the military community, and even the country western cowboys and their rodeos, I don’t consider myself a member of any of those organizations. I do patronize their dances and events, as most are fundraisers for charities and other needy organizations. Sometimes, it is fun to just play dress up and forget your troubles, even if it’s just for a night now and then. I used to go to circuit parties when I was younger, but then when crystal meth and the other drugs seemed to become too prevalent, I stopped going. Even though I support the causes, I can no longer support the players.

Thirdly, it's a shame you have so much hatred for someone of another race whom you've never even met. My only guess is that someone who looks like me or resembles my “type” has done you wrong somewhere along the line. Or you have been attracted to my type before and it has not been reciprocated. Or, you just choose to be racist when so many of us are trying everyday to end racism in all of its forms. You and I could possibly have been friends since we will both be living in Chicago soon (I have your IP address and I know where you live). I have friends who are of all colours, shades, and ethnic backgrounds.

Also, I do actually agree with you that the barking noises men make towards each other tend to be somewhat bothersome. While I take it as flattery when someone “woofs” at me, I am never really sure what my response is supposed to be. Usually, a shy “thank you” is all I can mutter. I think the “woofing” started with the leather community, but I am not sure. The very cool thing about that community is that if they like you, they let you know it. But if they don’t they don’t even bother to deal with you. That can’t be said for many, many other bars I have walked into. Many gay men are admittedly catty and gossipy. We have all been “talked about” in the “pretty boy bars”, and it hurts. But the only time you get talked about in a leather bar is if they like you. There is something to be said for that, and I think it’s a great thing – certainly a welcome transition from feeling lonely and insecure when standing in a bar alone.

I have chosen not to delete your comments, as I think that defeats the purpose of an open forum. And if you truly feel this way, then you should be able to write what you feel is appropriate. Please don't think it upsets or even bothers me. But if it continues to bother others who read my blog often, then I will block you, which I should not have to do.

I won’t comment on your messages again, but I thought it appropriate now to write something. You also have the option of not reading my blog at all. There are hundreds if not thousands of blogs out there that I am sure you can find entertaining. Or perhaps you could start your own and possibly find others who might feel the same way you do about things as I have.


  1. Amen!!!

    Dop, I have been quietly enjoying your blog (as well as Kevin's "Sweet Tartuffery") for a month now, and felt it was finally time to drop you a note. Your guys' blogs always make me laugh and/or give me a new perspective on things. And I thank you for that.

    I would have normally advised against acknowledging such a jerk (aka Anonymous), but your response hit all the right notes, so I'm glad you did.

    Best wishes to you on your move here to Chicago, and your continued, speedy recovery.

    Take care,

  2. Thanks DD&C! I think I turned kb on to writing a blog (Sweet Tartuffery) and I now think he is better at it than I am. Ah, youth. And thanks for being such a loyal fan. More fun things are in store...

  3. Dop - did I set the tone for this blog article when I emailed your this morning with my comments on how prejudicial this ANONYMOUS person was coming across. I know I emailed you around 6:45 west coast time, 9:45am your time. It warranted this and you did it with such gracious tact. GOOD FOR YOU.

    >>>>>Take care friend/ chat with you soon.

  4. ........................DOP.........Last comment directly above:
    .........................From .....Tony

  5. I'm glad you made this post, Dop.

  6. Dop: I am not a member of the "bear" community and my guess is, we would probably disagree on many issues, both moral and political. That said, you handled your anonymous attacker with tact and forethought. Indeed, in God alone rests the life and death of each of us. Something indeed to meditate on as Rita moves toward the gulf coast. Cf. Ps 107 Take care!

  7. Dop, this is your shining moment, let's have a thousand more!