Monday, September 19, 2005

Transitions, Part III

I spent yesterday and last night with people who reminded me of who I am and who I was before my own personal “9/11” hit so many weeks ago. I went to Ex#5’s housewarming party (technically it was just him showing off his new cockroach-free apartment) after having lunch with Kelly.

Kelly and I sat for about an hour, catching up and talking about the last month or so, then guessing what the next few months will bring. It was nice to do what Kelly and I enjoy doing together – sitting outdoors, drinking margaritas. The world seems to slowly pass by when she and I are together.

We arrived at the party about 2.5 hours after it began, so our friends and our host were well on their way to having a lot of fun. I was greeted by my old gang and, within just a few minutes, it was as if the past month hadn’t happened. No one dwelled on me. No one was overly cautious around me. At first the hugs were light and delicate, and then eventually the usual random embraces became more snuggly.

And for a few hours, I was transported back in time to one year ago, when life was fun, laughter flowed freely, and I was part of close friendships that would last me the rest of my life.

The old gang lifted my spirits. The past two days had been emotionally tough for me. I was feeling pretty alone, and actually was second-guessing my move to Chicago – wondering if this was really the right thing to do. But this party gave me a closure of sorts; not ending the friendships, but changing the relationships I already had. At one point I thought I had lost all of these people, and then Eric called our friendship an “inner circle”. It gave me a sense of security and I realized that no matter where I am, or how long I am gone, these people will be in my life.

I can't imagine how empty my life would be without them. I woke up this morning being exactly where I wanted to be for months. I felt calm. And I hated getting out of bed and letting that feeling go. I thank Ex#5 in my heart for bringing them all to me; and himself, as well. I will miss them all. But I will miss him most.