Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Gettin' Nippy

Perhaps an answer to the age-old question: Why do men have nipples?

This topic has come up during random get-togethers, drunkfests, and post coital lethargies. I have never understood why men have nipples - I was always just really thankful I had mine.

I have endured a love/hate relationship with my partners in (certain) crime. They have been pierced, ripped, pinched, tweaked, yanked, caught, licked, flicked, bitten, sucked, twisted, kissed, chewed, and spat on. They've had a myriad of things spread on them from wax to honey to nutella. They cast an almost hypnotic spell over the men who are allowed near them.

And my friends - I ain't complaining!

I remember being in my 20's and having men thinking they were sending me up The River Ecstacy by fondling "the twins". Back then, my nipples were nothing more than discolored skin. There was no feeling of pleasure associated with them. I would basically just let the guys go through the motions - not really understanding that there could possibly be some great joy accompanying these actions.

And then after I turned 30, something amazing happened. I began dating Ex#3 and one random night he gave some attention to the nipples and I had to be peeled off the ceiling. It was as if overnight, the sensory nerves clicked in and KAPOW! I had NIPPLES!!!!!

The intensity only increased upon having one pierced. And even though the ring got yanked out (my skin healed almost perfectly, by the way, thanks for asking), the sensitivity never went away. Go Team!


So to those of you in your 20's whose little soldiers haven't stood at attention yet, be patient. It might happen a little later than you think - and it is well worth waiting for.