Thursday, December 01, 2005

Who The Hell Is Ryan Seacrest’s Agent?

Today I read that Seabiscuit is basically taking over New Year's Eve from Dick Clark. What is he being groomed for? Admittedly, eventually, Dick has to stop (ahem). But why in the hell are they going with Gaycrest?

Have you checked out his resume? Other than the American Idol gig, and the On Air talk show he had for one season, he is also the current host of American Top 40 AND he hosts a radio talk show on KIIS.FM in Los Angeles where he talks about such important topics as “girls farting more than guys” and “what makes a woman a skank”. Classy. He also has his own clothing line out – that’s right, she designs too – called The R Line (The R presumably standing for “really over-rated”). Are there actually men out there who want to dress like him?

PEOPLE Magazine has voted him one of the “50 Most Beautiful People” (even though I think he looks like a ventriloquist dummy) and one of their 2005’s “Most Eligible Bachelors” (a list he’ll probably be on for quite some time, wink wink). He also has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Whoever sponsored that should be trampled to death. And then perhaps peed on.

Seawitch has also hosted the Tsunami Relief Concert, the Billboard Music Awards, the Radio Music Awards, the American Music Awards (where he ripped Kathy Griffin’s blouse open on stage – and I heart me some Kathy Griffin), the Emmy Awards, Playboy’s 50th Anniversary, he has guest hosted for Larry King, and been on all the major talk shows. Why? is my question. He’s not that good at what he does.

On the subject of Idol, what did Seacrest have over Brian Dunkleman, his co-host on the first season? Why was Seacrest brought back for Season Two, but not Dunkleman (my guess is Dunkleman showed more contempt at the pathetic one-liners they had to deliver)? Frankly, I thought Brian was a lot cuter than the botoxed, teeth-bleached Sea-urchin (Brian was kind of a grown up Harry Potter after RK surgery). And c’mon – NOBODY has Ryan’s kind of energy (except maybe this woman, sniff sniff).

I mean, I don’t hate the man. I just fail to see what all the hype is about and how he has gotten so far. I guess it comes from blowing off your competition. (Rim shot, please Mr. Drummer?) I tend to cringe when I see him as part of anything and I am almost embarrassed for America that he is touted as Hollywood journalism’s golden boy. I have yet to see his talent although his ambition is quite clear. But he has a face for radio and I wish he would just stick to that.

And by the way, does it get any gayer than this?