Thursday, May 11, 2006

SPAM

With the exception of my friend Jeff, and my dearly departed Jeep, my email address is the longest, voluntary relationship of my adult life (I've known Jeff since 1989 and I had my Jeep for 11 years).

My first email address was with bellatlantic.net, back in 1996 (which eventually became verizon.net). After a year or so of asking myself "why am I paying for this?", I created my YAHOO! email account nine years ago, in 1997.

Having moved 4 times since 1997, and had as many if not just a few more telephone numbers as well, my email address has remained one of the few constants in my life. A veritable pillar of stability. The really cool thing about having the same email account all these years is that every now and then I will get a random "voice from your past" email from someone I might have known several years ago, in the last century even.

Of course, the really not-so-cool thing about having the same email account all these years is that I am the recipient of more than my fair share of spam. A great feature that YAHOO! has is the Bulk Folder, that automatically filters spam (not sure how it does this) and then deletes it so I don't even have to be bothered with it. Especially those emails that try to pass themselves off as my friends, like:

Sender: Leonard Cross
Subject: unbelievable tranny gangbang (I know, its tempting. If they were also midgets, I'd probably look)

Sender: Allen Boudreaux
Subject: I met this chick online last night (like I care. And who is Allen?)

Sender: Mark Ruffin
Subject: he likes to watch me take it from other men. (the mind boggles at what "it" could be)

Sender: Rosalyn
Subject: Bonny sch001girl$ in the net (perhaps this is code, but I d0n'+ 6et 1+)

Sender: Christian Mortgage
Subject: lift the burden and save on your monthly payments (um... I rent, ok?)

Sender: George Jaramillo
Subject: meet eligable women now (hello, have you met me?)

Sender: The Little Blue Pill
Subject: Is this your love life? (thankfully, no)

Sender: philluminous
Subject: Spermamax will make her drown in your sperm (it's nice that he wants to help my sex life, but ew, ew, ew!)

Sender: Its a patch
Subject: Your 14-day sample is ready (of what, I wonder?)

Sender: flavio.59
Subject: Teen finger digging her pussy outdoors (I don't know flavio.59 or his other 58 incarnatons, nor do I care to see a teen finger digging anything, be it her kitten or her nose)

And the list goes on. This morning I awoke to 96 emails in my Bulk Folder. When I went to bed last night at 11, there was zero. Times have changed, as have I (I now actually pay YAHOO! for my email just cause I think it's the grown-up thing to do), but the spam just keeps on a-coming.