Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Anal Retention

Since yesterday's blog was about farting, I thought I would just go one step further (okay, maybe two steps further). Big news in the world of toilet paper is "luxury toilet paper" . . . which I guess is triple-ply, smells like money, extra soft, lubricated and falls off the roll automatically when you clap your hands.

That's all great, but here's the print ad for Renova (who sells this stuff).

What on earth is supposed to be going on here?

Maybe they're trying to say that, if you're unlucky enough to land up in jail for disrespecting yourself with nasty single-ply - after using Renova luxury toilet paper - cellmate Bubba starts looking like a character from 'Baywatch' and your sorry ass turns into Adonis with feelings. You'll pose uncomfortably like Madonna near a small dirty toilet and get your groove on just thinking about using the facility again. Harsh fluorescent light will dance lightly on your skin as it magically transports you (and Bubba) to the glowing beaches of Tenerife.

Renova - toilet paper and pleasure. I can't wait for it to get to Chicago!