Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Dear Cubs Fans

Open letter to Cubs Fans who ride the "L" to and from the game:

Dear Fan:

I know this is a big event for you - what with you coming into the city and all - so I'd just like to go over a few things with you to make this a more pleasant experience. But first a question:

Have you ever been anywhere before in your life?

I realize this is a giddy thing for you, but please keep in mind that, unlike you, I didn't get off work at noon and start drinking hours before the game. I've been at work until 5, 5:30, even 6. So pardon me if our levels of excitement don't seem to match. Tell you what though, one night when you are traveling home after a long day of work in the suburbs, a few of my friends and I will sit in your minivan or pickup truck and yell obscenities and belch the entire ride home just so you and I can truly share an experience.

Also, it would be nice if you knew where you were going. Wrigley Field is located at the Addison stop. My last name is not "L". It doesn't even start with "L". So therefore, I have no idea why the White Sox have a stop on the CTA named after them but the Cubs don't. Take it up with the mayor or your congressmen, please.

In contrast, if you do know where you're going, please don't feel the need to announce it to the entire train. Trust me - we ALL know where you are going. And we are counting the stops until you get there. Remember, the trains are ├╝ber-crowded right now while the "L" goes through some transformations. So the less anxiety, the better.

Also remember that if you are seeing a night game, you aren't experiencing true Cubs baseball anyhow. Lights weren't turned on at Wrigley until August 9, 1988 - 72 years after it became home of the Cubs. You're kind of cheating yourself out of the ultimate Cubs experience. So don't get so high and mighty beforehand.

I like baseball. I even like the Cubs. And hell, I love a good time. But just remember, dear Cub Commuter, that the party actually starts when you arrive, not while you're getting there. You have the option of whoopin' and hollerin' in your own vehicle. But since you've decided to booze it up, I beseech you to be more respectful to the other half of the train commuters who had to work all day and just want to get home, put up their feet, and watch the Cubs lose . . . um, I mean play on TV.
.