Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Open Letter To Cab Drivers

Dear Cab Drivers:

First of all, let me say thank you. Apparently I must look inexperienced, naive, and dewy-fresh to you (tho, I can assure you, it's been ages since I've been a virgin at anything). I say this because you must think I don't know how to hail a cab, even though I am over 40 and have lived in metropolitan areas for the last 20 years. I must make a note to myself to wipe the vague expression off my face while I am minding my own business walking down a sidewalk.

This is the only reason I can think of as to why you feel the need to blow your horn at me for no reason. Trust me when I tell you, I know how to hail a taxi. Unless the process has changed, you simply stand on the street and hold your arm up. Correct? Is there something new? I'm sometimes out of touch, so help me out here. Am I now supposed to just shake my ass in your direction? Maybe that's why you are confusing my simple walking with trying to get your attention for a ride.

May I also remind you that despite the fact that you CONSTANTLY disobey the speed limits, traffic signals, and commit numerous moving violations, you are also violating
Chicago's Noise Pollution Law 11-4-1290, which states:
No person shall sound any horn or audible signal device of any motor vehicle of any kind while not in motion nor shall such horn or signal device be sounded under any circumstances except as required by law nor shall it be sounded for any unnecessary or unreasonable period of time.
So you see, aside from just being annoying, you're also breaking the law. So hear this: if I need you, I know where to find you.


  1. Perhaps they were honking at you because you were shaking your ass in their direction...hmmmmm

    Why is it that you can never find a taxi when you need it but they're all over the place when you don't need one?

  2. Yeah, I am with Michael about this. Maybe the cab driver just thought you were sexy and wanted to get your attention.

  3. Maybe the cab driver just wanted to give you yet another thing to complain about. He was helping you out!

  4. Yet the wonderous marvels of metropolitan living. I often wonder why the mountains always sound appealing about this time. Good call.

  5. They are preditors of the lazy. Probably they get a lot of fares this way- good intentioned people, when faced with a choice to walk or ride, go ahead and take the ride rather than walk. I would be curious to know if you called the Police and made a complaint, if they would start ticketing them for the use of their horns. Next time, take a few minutes to stop and talk to them ask them as many questions as you can, directions, whether the Police give them a hard time, hows business, and you can waist their time like they waist yours. You can ask an officer to ticket them if you're so inclined, for the horns or any other infraction- lining up two lanes wide- is also illegal in some cities. Be safe.