Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Open Letter To Cab Drivers

Dear Cab Drivers:

First of all, let me say thank you. Apparently I must look inexperienced, naive, and dewy-fresh to you (tho, I can assure you, it's been ages since I've been a virgin at anything). I say this because you must think I don't know how to hail a cab, even though I am over 40 and have lived in metropolitan areas for the last 20 years. I must make a note to myself to wipe the vague expression off my face while I am minding my own business walking down a sidewalk.

This is the only reason I can think of as to why you feel the need to blow your horn at me for no reason. Trust me when I tell you, I know how to hail a taxi. Unless the process has changed, you simply stand on the street and hold your arm up. Correct? Is there something new? I'm sometimes out of touch, so help me out here. Am I now supposed to just shake my ass in your direction? Maybe that's why you are confusing my simple walking with trying to get your attention for a ride.

May I also remind you that despite the fact that you CONSTANTLY disobey the speed limits, traffic signals, and commit numerous moving violations, you are also violating
Chicago's Noise Pollution Law 11-4-1290, which states:
No person shall sound any horn or audible signal device of any motor vehicle of any kind while not in motion nor shall such horn or signal device be sounded under any circumstances except as required by law nor shall it be sounded for any unnecessary or unreasonable period of time.
So you see, aside from just being annoying, you're also breaking the law. So hear this: if I need you, I know where to find you.