I will admit it here: I have an eating disorder.
Unless a food comes with a specific set of instructions, or it's painfully obvious how to consume it (like, um, soup), I do not possess the innate ability to know how to eat it. I'm not worldly that way. Now, I'm not talking about recipes and how to cook something; I'm talking about the proper way to eat some foods. Examples:
Shrimp
I never knew I was supposed to remove the shell from a shrimp before eating it. I hadn't eaten much shrimp as a kid/teen and had only watched other people eat it. I knew something got pulled off first - which I assumed (correctly) was the legs - but I completely missed the part about removing the shell. Are there instructions about that? No. So for several years, I pulled off the legs and ate the rest. I learned of my mistake one Christmas when I was eating shrimp with my brother. I was about 35 at the time. I innocently asked him what he was doing:
I knew Kevin wanted me to eat a little healthier and I knew he loved Asian food, so one time early in our relationship, I stopped by a Chinese restaurant on my way home from work and ordered edamame to go. On the walk home, I thought I would start eating, so I just popped a pod into my mouth and started chewing. Let me ask again here: Where are the written instructions on how to eat edamame? Answer: Nowhere! After 15 minutes of chewing, I finally had to pull the stringy pod out of my mouth and toss it.
"How does Kevin eat these things?", I marveled. And looking at the container in front of me, I wondered how on earth I would be able to finish all of them when it took me 15 minutes to just eat ONE.
While perhaps not really the same eating disorder as shrimp and edamame, I ordered calamari on a vacation in Cancun in 1998. Based on the sound of the word, I thought calamari was pasta. I mean come on: capellini, fusilli, spaghetti, CAL-A-MAR-I... I mean, it ends in an "i" - sounds like pasta to me. Admittedly it looked a little weird when it arrived at the table because it didn't look like it had marinara sauce on it, but I started eating it anyway. The look on my face immediately gave me away. I'm trying to chew the mouthful I had:
Unless a food comes with a specific set of instructions, or it's painfully obvious how to consume it (like, um, soup), I do not possess the innate ability to know how to eat it. I'm not worldly that way. Now, I'm not talking about recipes and how to cook something; I'm talking about the proper way to eat some foods. Examples:
Shrimp
I never knew I was supposed to remove the shell from a shrimp before eating it. I hadn't eaten much shrimp as a kid/teen and had only watched other people eat it. I knew something got pulled off first - which I assumed (correctly) was the legs - but I completely missed the part about removing the shell. Are there instructions about that? No. So for several years, I pulled off the legs and ate the rest. I learned of my mistake one Christmas when I was eating shrimp with my brother. I was about 35 at the time. I innocently asked him what he was doing:
Matt: Pulling the legs off?Edamame
Me: No, after that.
Matt: Peeling off the shell?
Me: Are you supposed to do that?
Matt: !?!?
Me: I didn't know you were supposed to do that. I always just ate the shell.
Matt: You're lying.
Me: No, watch. (pop shrimp in mouth)
Matt: I'm gonna barf.
I knew Kevin wanted me to eat a little healthier and I knew he loved Asian food, so one time early in our relationship, I stopped by a Chinese restaurant on my way home from work and ordered edamame to go. On the walk home, I thought I would start eating, so I just popped a pod into my mouth and started chewing. Let me ask again here: Where are the written instructions on how to eat edamame? Answer: Nowhere! After 15 minutes of chewing, I finally had to pull the stringy pod out of my mouth and toss it.
"How does Kevin eat these things?", I marveled. And looking at the container in front of me, I wondered how on earth I would be able to finish all of them when it took me 15 minutes to just eat ONE.
Kevin (laughing): Oh my God, you don't eat the pod! You eat the soy beans inside!Calamari
Me: Well that would explain why the pod is practically unchewable.
Kevin: (laughing too hard to speak)
Me: Well how was I supposed to know??
While perhaps not really the same eating disorder as shrimp and edamame, I ordered calamari on a vacation in Cancun in 1998. Based on the sound of the word, I thought calamari was pasta. I mean come on: capellini, fusilli, spaghetti, CAL-A-MAR-I... I mean, it ends in an "i" - sounds like pasta to me. Admittedly it looked a little weird when it arrived at the table because it didn't look like it had marinara sauce on it, but I started eating it anyway. The look on my face immediately gave me away. I'm trying to chew the mouthful I had:
Me: God this is just awful!If there are other foods out there that need to be accompanied with instructions or directions, please let me know. Or should I simply just check myself into rehab?
Chad: I was surprised you ordered it in the first place. I didn't think you would like squid.
Me: (spit!)
