Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Things That Annoy Me #513: "Share A Coke"

Coke - enough already.

The "Share A Coke With..." campaign was cute and all, but it's over.  I'm tired of it.  And tired of the energy that's been wasted on this whole travesty.

First of all, there's no Dop can.  Despite standing in front of open cooler doors for hours, much to the chagrin of every 7-Eleven clerk in the city, I did not find a "Share a Coke with Dop" can.  So screw you.  I went through the complete list of all 250 names that you figured were worthy of a personalized can.  No Dop.  But I bet Divya, Griselda, Lakeisha, and Vishal are all feeling pretty full of themselves at this point.  Are those your relatives?  Double-screw you.

Yeah, I know I can order a personalized Coke bottle online with my name on it (ooo, how fun!).  But I don't care to spend $10 on something I shouldn't have to beg for.  What's that?  I can download a virtual bottle instead of the real thing (note the double entendre there)?  What the hell good is that going to do me?  My dry mouth isn't virtual, you moron.

Building on that concept, your attempt at being all-encompassing by using "names" such as Bestie, Superstar, Legend, and Better Half is just obvious proof that somewhere in the process you all got together and said, "Let's call it.  This idea is flat-lining."  Even YOU lost interest in it.

And, it's no secret I don't like many people.  So having to search for a Coke can that does NOT display the name of someone I don't like is simply a waste of my energy and my time.  I don't want to drink out of a Carla can or a Brad can or even a Julian can.  I can't stand those people.  And I can't stand you for reminding me that those people even exist in the world.  Besides, it's not doing anything to quench my thirst either.  If nothing else, I'm actually getting MORE thirsty as I sift through can after can looking for ANY name that won't make me think the can is actually full of some kind of poison.

I'm not sure why all this matters to me anyway because I haven't had a Coke product in about 30 years.  I'm a Pepsi guy - Diet Pepsi that is.  And to be even more specific, Now Aspartame Free Diet Pepsi, if you must know.  I've been a DP fan since back when the can was white and then turned light blue and then turned silver.  I remember driving back from the beach in 1985 and noticing a billboard on Route 50 that showed the new DP can design and being excited about the change.  Yeah, me and Diet Pepsi go way back.

So I guess this isn't about drinking your product at all.  But I still use you to clean my toilet, so there's that.