Friday, July 26, 2019

Tell Us How Great I Am

Now and then upon checking out at a store or coffee shop, my egress will be halted by a sales associate eager to point out the corporate satisfaction survey "conveniently located" at the bottom of my sales receipt, as well as the accompanying incentive for completing said survey, e.g. a free drink size upgrade or $1 off my next purchase, for example.  The eager sales associate also takes the time to circle his/her name with yellow highlighter, or perhaps even writes it boldly on the bottom of the receipt so that I won't miss it, and asking me to mention them in the process. 

How bold.

I mean, I get it.  That is, I knew something was up when you voluntarily started helping me.  Because I've shopped in your store, like, 100 times already and not once did anyone, including you, step forward to assist me in any way outside of your basic job description.  So if you think that because your company is seeking feedback from customers on how "we" are doing that I will also take the time to mention "you" - you're absolutely right.  And thank you in advance for sharing your name with me.

When you point out your name to me on your corporate survey and cheerily tell me you would appreciate my feedback, I am completely sincere when I respond, "I'll be happy to."

I'll be happy to say that in the two years I've been making purchases in your establishment, the first time anyone assisted me was during corporate feedback survey time.

I'll be happy to say that I have seen you in the store texting on your phone at the checkout while I waited for you to finish.

I'll be happy to mention that you are all so dedicated to restocking your shelves that you make the aisles completely impassable and don't seem to care about it.

I'll be happy to say that one time I asked you where something was located in your store and you responded with a flat, "I dunno".

I'll be happy to mention how well you roll your eyes when someone asks you for assistance.

I'll be happy to say that you wear earbuds while you're working which makes it challenging for me or any other customer to ask you for simple assistance.

I'll be happy to talk about the time you and a co-worker got into a verbal altercation while several of us remained standing in line and I was the only one with the guts to tell you both to knock it off.

I'll be happy to mention how we - you and I - went through an entire transaction without you once speaking a single word: not a "hello", not telling me my total, not even a "thank you" at the end.  I mean, I'm only guessing you're not mute because I would have expected perhaps a friendly expression in lieu of conversation.  (I didn't get that either.)

And I'll be MORE than happy to say that on more than one occasion, I've had to listen to your banal  complaining to a co-worker about another co-worker or (better yet) a manager and how things just aren't fair for you and how you are being picked on at work, only taking a break from talking to check your cell phone.

So if my "feedback matters" really, I'll be happy to complete the survey and mention your name.  And you can keep the soda upgrade, free fries, a $1 off my next purchase, and the chance to win a gift card. Because what I really want is a best customer service experience which you have proven you cannot provide.

And just like I have to think before asking for your assistance, you should now think long and hard before asking for mine.