Sharpie & David Beckham. Or Is It?

There is a Sharpie commercial on the air these days that shows a pair of hands holding a golfball that, after a few artistic moves with a fine point marker is transformed into a soccer ball. And then the name "David Beckham" is written on the ball. From all this, we - the pitifully stupid viewing public - are to deduce that it's actually David Beckham doodling and autographing the ball.


What the few smart members of our apparently idiotic viewing public will question is - did Sharpie just pay a gazillion dollars for the use of David Beckham's name? I'm sure we can all agree that those are not Beckham's hands, despite the fingernails being smartly and metrosexually manicured.

Question #2 would be why is Sharpie paying a gazillion dollars for the use of a sports star's name when there are already celebrities out there actually using their product free of endorsement? Or isn't Jude Law hot enough anymore? For that matter, does Beckham really use Sharpies when he autographs? And is that even Beck's autograph? Even his own wife doesn't know it.



Which then also makes me wonder: does David Beckham really need another endorsement? In 2006, he brought home a paltry $11.1 million in endorsements alone, which was down 11% from 2005 due to a lost endorsement. I'll be he's glad this Sharpie thing came through for him, otherwise how could he afford to feed his wife and three kids?

Sex Scandal: Democrat vs. Republican

So now I hear that New York Governor Eliot Spitzer is caught up in the latest sex scandal. I immediately went to his page to see which political party he belonged to. He’s a Democratic so I deduced that the sex was with a woman. I was right.

So let’s review our sex scandal formulas when it comes to politicians:

Man-On-Woman Lovin’: Democrat
Man-On-Man Lovin’: Republican

Any politician that falls outside of these proven facts is a freak of nature and shall be shunned, ridiculed, called hypocrite and immediately have the suffix of ‘former’ placed before their current title. As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.

Daylight Saving Time

The official spelling is Daylight Saving Time, not Daylight SavingS Time (if you didn't advance your clock forward yesterday, you are already an hour late - that is unless you're in Hawaii, American Samoa, Guam, Puerto Rico, the Virgin Islands, the Commonwealth of Northern Mariana Islands, or Arizona).

Saving is used here as a verbal adjective (a participle). It modifies time and tells us more about its nature; namely, that it is characterized by the activity of saving daylight. It is a saving daylight kind of time. Because of this, it would be more accurate to refer to DST as daylight-saving time. Similar examples would be a mind-expanding book or a man-eating tiger. Saving is used in the same way as saving a ball game, rather than as a savings account.

Nevertheless, many people feel the word savings (with an 's') flows more mellifluously off the tongue. Daylight Savings Time is also in common usage, and can be found in dictionaries.

Adding to the confusion is that the phrase Daylight Saving Time is inaccurate, since no daylight is actually saved. Daylight Shifting Time would be better, and Daylight Time Shifting more accurate, but neither are politically desirable.

Joke

Mickey Mouse awoke one winter's morning and stepped out to get the morning paper. When he opened his front door, he noticed that someone had pee-written in the snow "Mickey is a dick!". Mickey called the police who conducted a test on the urine. The detective approached Mickey and said, "Well Mickey, I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is that the pee is Goofy's. The worse news is that the handwriting is Minnie's".

Have a great weekend!

Softie?

So I am sitting in Caribou doing some work when a guy approaches me and gives me a story about a tire blowing out on his sister's car and how she has AAA and it's going to be towed to a local station which is all well and good but they are still $13 short to purchase an actual tire and is there anything I could do to help.

Anyone who knows me knows my immediate response is to dramatically roll my eyes, heave a sigh, and physically communicate to this person how he has intruded on my space and ruined my life merely by approaching me. But for some reason, I bought it. And gave him $5.

Now, anyone who knows me is wondering, "Who are you and what have you done with Dop?" I know, right?? Like that is so totally not me at all, you know! I've brushed off more panhandlers than I could ever think of counting. But something about this guy seemed genuine to me. Could it be that at some time in my life I had been stranded myself and needed a handout in much the same way? Could it be that it's been so freaking cold in Chicago and the thought of anyone having to spend any amount of time outside seems unnecessary if I can help it? Could it be that although I work for a charity, I rarely find myself in a position to actually help someone out directly?

Probably not. Tonight I was probably just a sucker. But I'm allowing myself to think that I wasn't, just this once. For whatever the reason, this guy needed money. I can overlook what his reasons for needing the money were . . . on another cold night in Chicago.

Showering

I was at my parents' house and wanted to take a shower. I decided not to use the one in my bathroom but to mix it up a bit and try another one in the house. I went to the one upstairs in the attic but found it under construction and disabled, so I found another bathroom in the house and decided to use that one.

As I closed the bathroom door, I noticed something resembling a cat suit hanging on the back of the door. So, being a gay man, I decided to try it on while I waited for the water in the shower to get as hot as I like it. The suit, which looked more Cher-like and less Halle-like, seemed to fit me just fine but it never occurred to me what it was doing there or even who it might belong to.

So then I jump in the shower and as I finish and step out, my brother enters the bathroom with three other people. The first thing I could grab was the bathmat and wrapped that around my midsection. As I stood there naked and dripping, I realized I recognized two of the people with my brother as being Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip of Great Britain - both of whom didn't seem the least bit fazed by my presence.

This dream preceded a really nasty head cold I've been dealing with for the last two days. It only makes sense I guess.

Coffee vs. Tea

Why are coffee drinkers treated better thank tea drinkers in restaurants? Coffee drinkers are given multiple refills. Someone even comes to your table and fills the mug back up before the last mouthful is swallowed. Tea drinkers are lucky to get enough hot water for even one full mug. Some restaurants will even set a carafe of coffee on your table so you can refill at your leisure. But not for tea drinkers: one teabag and one small pitcher of hot water and that's it.

Tea is the simplest thing on the planet: a bag of leaves and some hot water. That's it. There's no foam, there's no double shot, there's no ordering it "skinny" -- it's just a bag. And depending on where you might order your tea, sometimes it's loose leaves filtered through a napkin. What could be more rustic and rudimentary??

So why are tea drinkers treated like red-headed step-children? I am a proud drinker of tea (Earl Grey if you have it). And I demand to be treated just as good as someone who is drinking Maxwell House, Decaf, or even a 13 shot venti soy hazelnut vanilla cinnamon white mocha with extra white mocha and caramel (which, by the way, costs $13.76 at Starbuck's).

February 29th

There haven't been many of these in my life - only 10. My friend Kim was born on February 29, 1976. Technically, she's only 8 years old (that must feel strange). So looking back on my life, I was curious what I did on the years February 29th came around. Admittedly, it's a short list:

2004 - The Oscars were on this night. I returned back to DC from a weekend at my parent's place. Had dinner at Lauriol Plaza with Ex#4, then watched the Academy Awards at home.

2000 - Went to Baltimore to assist on a photo shoot for Guilford Pharmaceuticals's annual report. Came back to DC to attend the local AIGA seminar at the Mayflower Hotel.

1996 - Worked at my Gap store from 12:30-9:30. Vice President Peter Brooks visited the store. Attended friend Monica's Absolutely Fabulous party. My friend Joey called from New Orleans.

1992 - Classmate Mary's One-Person Show at ShenU. Friend Corey had a party at his house. Afterwards, Ex#2, Matt, Joshua and I drove to Deer Park Lodge to hang out with friends Matt, Jeff and Akili.

1988 - Worked from 9:30-5:00 at Peskin's, then drove to Ex#1's house for the night in Sterling, VA (140 miles).

1984 - Play practice at 7:00 for Senior play Harvey.

Five Dollars

I got an expense check from work for $270. With only one day in town before heading back out again for several days, I decided to just cash the check at my company's bank rather than take a cab to my bank to deposit the check.

So I went to Chase Bank to cash the check. The teller asked me if I had an account with them and I said no. Then she said, "You know there's a $5 charge."

"For cashing a check?"

"Yes."

"For cashing a check drawn on YOUR bank where you can look into the account and see that there is a balance?"

"Yes."

"What's the $5 cover?"

"Well, it doesn't cover anything."

"It's a surcharge?"

"Yes."

"For what?"

"To cash the check."

"Because I don't have an account?"

"Yes."

"So where does the $5 go?"

"Go?"

"Yeah, where does it go? How do you account for it?"

"I don't know that?"

"Pizza party, perhaps?"

"No, sir."

"Can you waive the fee?"

"No, sir."

"Would you if you could?"

"Sir..."

"I just think it's ridiculous."

"Yes, sir. Do you want to cash the check?"

"Do I still have to pay $5 to do it?"

"Yes, sir."

"Do I have a choice?"

"You always have a choice."

And with that, I walked out of the bank with my $265.

Splitting Up

The BF and I have reached a new maturity level in our relationship. Tomorrow, we are splitting up. It's been about two months in the making, but the timing just didn't work out for us so we had a conversation and realized that he should go his way and I will go mine. And it was good for us to be able to . . .

. . . wait, what? . . .

No, no. I'm talking about taking separate vacations. You didn't think I meant "breaking up" did you? Silly.

I am going home to visit my family for a few days and The BF is going to visit our friend Matt in Hawaii. I was invited to go to Hawaii too, but I feel like it's time for me to actually spend some quality time with the parental units and the siblings. A lot has happened back home that I feel I need to be home for, and to do this I need to give up a tropical vacation with the man I love. And because he loves me, he understands I need to do this. Like I said - a real maturity in our relationship.

I'll miss him, naturally, and I know I am missing out on a fun experience with him. I am glad he decided to go without me because it would bother me more that he didn't go because of me. Besides, the opportunity will come around again. And really, it doesn't really matter where we go together - he's constant fun.

So for the next few days - aloha!

Old Designers Never Die...

Goil Amornvivat, who introduces himself as “Hi I’m Goil! Like gargoyle!”, was one of my favourite designers on Bravo's lame Top Design (which I hear they are mistakenly bringing back for another series), even if he cracked under pressure. His ideas always struck me as so completely innovative and, for lack of a better term, freakin’ cool.
I’ve also recently spotted Goil on TLC’s Trading Spaces. He really has lasting power in the industry, which I think qualifies him as “fabulous.” I’m not going to lie; if Bravo gave Goil his own show, I would totally watch it.
I'm glad he's landed on television again in a design capacity. As far as I know, he's the only one from the original Top Design that acquired such a deal. And even though this will make me sound like I'm a thug from Jersey, "You go, Goil!"

Project Runway Finalists

So the producers of the show have done it again - rather than narrow the group of 15 or so down to three (as they say they will throughout the run of the show), they've selected 4 finalists. This time, though, Lady Seal says that two of the contenders will have to duke it out before the Big Show at Fashion Week by showing their top three looks to the judges. THEN, the judges will decide who gets to be in the runway show.

Right. Like they would ask someone to put an entire line together and NOT let him show at Fashion Week. Perhaps BRAVO won't air the fourth show on television, but trust - all four will show at Bryant Park.

The contenders: Rami, Christian, Jillian, and Chris.

The three who will be televised: Rami, Christian, and Jillian.

The winner: Rami, third. Christian, second. Jillian, first.

Even though Christian is the most talented, he will get second place, as is the tradition of the show. The most creative people always gets second place: Kara Saun, Daniel and Uli.

Wait two weeks and see if I'm not right. 'Cause I will be. I'm as sure of this as I am sure that Ricky will cry, Jack will camp it up, and Elisa will imbue the upholstery with the energy of the Goddess of Ghindy (God, I can't wait for the reunion show!)

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Jetman

Forget everything I've ever said about loving The BF. Because it's all been replaced by hate*. Hate - because he has challenged me to Jetman on Facebook. And I have become completely addicted. I came home form work late last night, around 8:45pm (I have those nights sometimes). After walking in the door and making myself a sandwich, I commenced to spending the next 4 hours playing Jetman.


So far, my high score is 721. Impressive, you think, until you see The BF's high score of 3799. Suddenly my 721 is laughable. I can't figure out how in the world he got such a high score!? This game is supposed to be a stress reliever, but it seems to have the opposite effect on me. I need a Xanax after I play a few rounds.

*okay, I don't really hate him, but I'm gonna give him such a pinch when I see him.

My Addiction

I'm obsessed with Fiber One Chewy Bars. Simply put, these are, hands down, the BEST bars to hit shelves in as long as I can remember. The nutritionals are more than on target (140 calories, 4g fat and a whopping 9 grams of fiber!), but the taste is what really gets me. They're ooey, gooey, sticky, crunchy and chocolatey. In fact, I think they taste better than any candy bar out there (yes, even you, 3Musketeers). I could probably do without the 10g of sugar in each bar, but with all the other good stuff, it's easy to overlook this one flaw.

And, in case you were wondering, there's no sign of Fiber One cereal (or anything that looks or tastes remotely like it) in this bar. Weird, but I couldn't care less.

Overall Score: 10!!! Run to the market and buy up these bars ASAP. Before I do.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Winter is hitting Chicago hard this year. Last year, the city received 150 complaints about potholes on city streets. This year, so far, the city has received 6,300 complaints. With a snowstorm dropping down every 4 days or so, the City has practically blown through its snow removal budget, having spent $14 million of its $18 million budget.

As of 11:59pm last Friday, Chicago had only 11 minutes of sunlight during the month of February. Yesterday, even though the sun finally came out, the temperature was -4 at 10AM. Factoring in Chicago's famous wind chill factor, the weather, at times, dropped to -28 degrees. The couple of times I've watched "Climbing Mt. Everest"-type shows, I'd listen to the climbers talk about how they were feeling. But it's unbelievable until you actually experience it:

All exposed skin hurts, like it's being stuck with pins.
It hurts to breathe; the cold air constricting your lungs.
Even standing up, it feels like there is a 100lb weight on your chest.
Your eyes water.
The mucus in your nose freezes immediately.
Your mouth goes dry instantly.
You become aware that you blink.
A tee shirt, thermal shirt, sweater, hooded sweatshirt, and pea coat aren't nearly enough.

Just standing at the bus stop this morning made me wonder why anyone would purposely subject himself to this and much, much worse just for fun?
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It's A Quiet Thing*

When it all comes true
Just the way you planned,
It's funny but the bells don't ring.
It's a quiet thing.

I always thought when the day came, it would be a momentous experience for me. A big, proud achievement that I would shout from the rooftops that would somehow miraculously prove something to me - even though I have no idea what that "something" would be. But the day came and went, and there was no miraculous revelation.

When you hold the world
In your trembling hand
You think you'd hear a choir sing.
But it's a quiet thing.

There was no crossing days out on the calendar; no looming countdown; no huge celebration. But one day, sometime back in early to mid-December, some day that I haven't even really pinpointed yet, The BF became the longest relationship of my life. And it never even occurred to me.

There are no exploding fire works.
Where's the roaring of the crowd?
Maybe it's the strange new atmosphere
Way up here among the clouds?

And I think - no, I know - it's because this relationship is something completely different than anything I've experienced before in my life. It's the easiest thing I've ever done; it's almost as simple as just being there. So without the fanfare and all the hoopla, comfortable peace came into my life - like it's always been there. Because I just adore him.

But I don't hear the drums.
I don't hear the band.
The sounds I'm told such moments bring. . .

Happiness comes in on tiptoe.
Well, what do you know ?
It's a quiet thing.
A very quiet

thing...

*Music: John Kander, Lyrics: Fred Ebb

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Baby News

On Monday, the day after the NY Giants beat the undefeated New England Patriot's in Super Bowl XLII, Pats players Tom Brady and Randy Moss both pulled out of this Sunday's Pro-Bowl game.

Brady's been cited recently as having a sore ankle, but I think the term "sore loser" is more appropriate. No actual reasons were given for either player, but it sure sounds like someone took his toys and stomped home. Message boards all over the internet are filled with people who can see right through this. Brady and Moss are paid to do a job, and because the outcome didn't go their way, they're opting not to do the work their job requires.

Let's see now, if I didn't like the way something was going at work, and then decided that I just didn't want to go to work anymore but still collect my paycheck . . . . . . yeah, that would never happen. But then again, my weekly paycheck isn't $280,000 either. That must be the difference.

This Year In Politics

Last year in politics, the catchphrase that we heard constantly was "retail politics". That was pretty much all you heard about; this year I have yet to hear these words uttered in any campaign. This year, I am actually hearing two new phrases that begin many speeches and harangues given by politicians: "look" and "you know".

"Look" as in "look, this is how it is..." and "you know" as in "you know, he doesn't know what he's talking about". I personally find both of these phrases to be condescending. I don't like them. They also tend to begin to answer a question that was never asked by way of changing the subject or diverting the issue.

I watched Late Edition with Wolf Blitzer on CNN on Sunday morning, and I counted a combined total usage of "look" and "you know" by 4 guest politicians 17 times. Is this something learned in business class, or just something you pick up when you cross the threshold to the Capitol building?

Look, someone needs to stop this habit.
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Fingered

I never thought I would write about something as banal as a cut on my finger, but here it is. I cut my finger, or more specifically, my right index finger, pointer finger, forefinger, digitus secundus, or even digitus II, if you will.

The cut is on the inside of the top knuckle, or more specifically, along the collateral ligament (see how much you're learning?). And for the most part, it's no big deal - except for the fact that I seem to use that particular point on that particular finger for absolutely everything. Normal, everyday tasks come to a halt so I can re-grip: holding a utensil, shaving, brushing my teeth, tying my shoes. Even clicking my computer mouse makes me blanch.

About the only thing my finger is good for right now is pointing, which I couldn't do if I lived in the Ukraine because they consider it a sign of rudeness. So until it heals, I'll just have to do everything with my middle finger - which will probably be cause for another blog entry.
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[Not So] Super Monday

Poor Monday.

This must be a difficult year for February 4th. Being a Monday is never easy, but in 2008, being Monday, February 4th must feel particularly inept in the grand scheme of things. Why? Because it's sandwiched between Super Sunday's Super Bowl and Super Tuesday's 20 primary elections - two huge days in American history. To make matters even worse, these are not the only important days in the week. Here's the breakdown:

• Friday, February 1st - Start of Black History Month in US; LGBT History Month in the UK.
• Saturday, February 2nd - National Groundhog Day
• Sunday, February 3rd - Super Bowl Sunday
• Monday, February 4th - ...
• Tuesday, February 5th - Super Tuesday elections
• Wednesday February 6th - Ash Wednesday
• Thursday, February 7th - Chinese New Year

Almost every day in a week is "super" for some reason. But nothing will come of Monday. It is a lull in the proverbial storm. But I guess it's all in the way you look at it. For perhaps it's the fact that nothing happening on Monday could be what actually makes it special.

Because, after all, when everything is super, then nothing is.
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